Making Friends as a Mommy

It's hard to make friends as an adult.

It's even harder to make friends after becoming a mom.

Don't get me wrong. I do have awesome friends. I have a few who I know I can talk to about anything no matter how depressing or strange it may be, who I know would drop everything to drive to where I am if I were in a crisis, and I can trust them completely. These are my dearest friends, my best friends, my soul sisters. I have been at my best and at my worst around them. They mean the world to me and I don't think I would be the same without them in my life. However, there are many many miles between us and that is very hard for me at times. I miss them.

I have a couple good friends here where I live but since becoming a mommy, these relationships have changed. Our schedules are different. Our commitments are different. We still have fun together when we do hang out. But I need more. I think that's why it's hard to make friends as a mom.

My needs and wants regarding friendships have changed since becoming a mom. I love the friends I have but I need friends who have young kids and toddlers, who are completely okay with a toddler wanting my attention while we're trying to talk, who aren't grossed out by spit-up (yes, my daughter still spits up at 14.5 months old) or poopy diapers, who can truly relate to the sleep-deprivation and fatigue that comes with being a mommy. This is not to say that mommyhood doesn't rock (because it does... believe me it does!) but it is not easy. It's fulfilling, wonderful, amazing, life-changing, earth-shattering awesomeness, but it can be pretty challenging at the same time. It's hard to really understand this before you become a mom. I thought I understood but I now know that I didn't. I need some friends who have experienced what I have so far and who can relate as mommyhood continues to challenge me in ways I never realized while also being able to laugh with me about it. Some people may not need this but I know that I do.

Back to the point of this entry... I realized I needed some more friends (notice that I said more since I still want to keep the friends that I already have as well). At first my husband didn't see why i needed this but he supports me 100%. So far I have noticed that making friends as a mommy is tougher than it looks from the outside. This is confusing for me because I was always so good at making friends as a kid. I guess the school environment made this easier. But now I work 40 hours a week, which limits things a little. In August/Sept, I joined MOPS and a couple other local mommy meetup groups in order to give myself a hand. It's been slow going. I've been some great ladies but I haven't been able to make as many meetups as I would like because of my work schedule. I'm trying, I really am - MOPS meetings twice a month, a play date here, a lunch there. I also feel a little distracted when at these meetups. I'm still pretty foggy from not sleeping as much as a needed for so many months. I hope I'm giving these ladies the chance to get to know the real me so that we can make some lasting friendships.

I'm also attempting to cultivate some friendships with moms that I already know and to make sure that I am maintaining those valuable friendships I mentioned earlier. By asking a coworker to go for stroller runs with our young daughters. Or by going to lunch with a mommy friend who I haven't been able to see or talk to as much lately due to recent major life changes. Or by keeping my dearest friends up-to-date on my life and spending quality time with them when they visit.

Only time will tell. Regardless, I know I will always have a few amazing friends, my wonderful hubby, and the best daughter in the world. For this, I am eternally grateful.

Motherhood & Fitness

It's hard to stay fit while being a mommy.

Especially when you're a mommy to a toddler who wants to play and skip and crawl rather than sit still.

Or when you're a mommy who is sleep-deprived (aren't we all?) and seems to feel tired more often than not.

Or when you're a mommy who works late most nights during the week (like midnight to 2am late) and it's not always an option to wake up early so that you can get it done before anyone in the house wakes up.

There are MANY ways we as mommies find it difficult, challenging, sometimes almost impossible (note the "almost" - I have a hard time believing that anything is completely and utterly impossible) to squeeze in that workout. But it's important that we MAKE time. Our bodies will thank us because we will be healthier. Our family members, husbands, kids, parents, will thank us because we will be happier. Trust me, being healthy and fit makes us better people, and especially better parents.

I work out at least 5 times a week. How do I do this?

I do a couple of (what I consider) EASY things.

1. At the beginning of the week (or even the end of the previous week), I look at my entire schedule for the upcoming days, along with my husband's schedule and any appointments that any of us (me, him, or our daughter) have. I cross out any times during the week that are unavailable. I pencil in my workouts wherever they can be squeezed into our busy life. Hubby and I work opposite shifts so sometimes it's hard but on the days where we don't see each other, I either workout with Alexa (i.e. stroller runs or walks usually, sometimes while she plays in the same room although often these workouts get cut short because she becomes antsy or clingy) or during her naptime. She goes to daycare twice a week so I might drop her off a smidge early so that I can fit in a run sans stroller before I head to work myself for the remainder of the day.
2. I talk to my husband and make SURE that all of my workouts can happen. He doesn't tell me I can or cannot do something but he needs to agree that those are the best times for our family. If I need to be available because he's busy, we figure out another plan together. He supports me in my journey to stay fit and healthy before AND now after having our child. I understand that if you're by yourself or do not of the support you need, this will be difficult.
3. I'm flexible if necessary. I modify as needed but I still try to do the workouts, whether they are on different days or just different workouts because a certain one just didn't work out (i.e. I oversleep and miss my yoga class so instead I go for a run after dropping my daughter off at daycare).
4. REPEAT. No matter what. If I'm on vacation, I still workout. If we're busier than usual, I still try to squeeze in something. Even if it's not as long or as intense as usual, it still keeps me in my routine and makes me feel accomplished. I always have a backup plan just in case it's too cold or rainy or windy or snowy for a stroller run.

My stroller runs are my favorite part of my workout schedule. I love running by myself but I also enjoy taking my daughter along for the ride. I ran my 5th half marathon at 25 weeks pregnant so I feel like I want her there by my side. I think she enjoys the fun rides as well :). A couple times a month I will invite a fellow parents to join us for a run so then it's me, a friend, and our 2 kiddos in strollers. It's nice to get the chance to workout AND talk about things that matter - like spit-up, changing diapers, and our adorable kiddos. We try to talk about other things but it does seem that the conversations generally end up more focused on our lives as parents and that's okay. We all need to know that someone else GETS our lives and our experiences.

I know I will have to modify the way I make time for my workouts as she gets older, and my hope is that someday she will ask to join me. Maybe for a minute. Maybe for 5, 10, 20. Who knows. But I will gladly continue to be a positive fitness role model as long as I can so that we have the opportunity to be a healthy family together.

How are YOU going to make time for health and fitness into your busy life?

I am MANY things.

I'm not 100% sure what I want to do with this blog. But I think it will be interesting to have, to share with others.

I'm not sure how often I will write in it or what I will write about, or if it will even be interesting to anyone but me. That's okay. I honestly don't care if anyone reads this. If they do, I do hope they enjoy it or find something they can relate to in some way, shape, or form.

I am many things.

I am female.

I am 28 years old. I was born in July.

I am a lover of healthy foods, art, the color pink, wine, get-togethers with friends, and a good romantic comedy... all-at-once or separately.

I am a survivor of a dysfunctional family, both in my childhood and the present. I lost my father to an addiction and the behaviors that come along with it. I love my mother but I function a lot better with some distance between us. I would like to be closer (in distance) to my sisters though.

I am a therapist and I do what I do because I enjoy helping others. I only wish I had less student loans and made a little more money.

I am a runner. I have participated in many 5ks, 7 half marathons (1 during pregnancy and 2 postpartum), 1 marathon, and several other distance races. Running is my therapy.

I am a wife of 3 years (together for 8 years last week!) and a mom of a wonderful 14 month old. I love my husband and child with all my heart and cannot imagine my life without them.