I love being a mom. More than I ever imagined possible. I love all the amazing things that I get to teach my daughter. I love all the new things she teaches herself without me even realizing she was studying that skill. I love that she loves life so much. I love that huge smile she gets on her face at least 1,000 times a day. I even love the little fits she throws sometimes because it shows me she is human and she is growing psychologically as well as physically. I love that she gets excited when our dog is near her and that she tries to pet him now. I love that she copies us when we do the "shhh!" sound and has started making the kissing noise with her lips. I love that she blows spit bubbles with her mouth. I love that she could look at books and flash cards all day long like it's the best thing in the world. I love that she enjoys music and dances whiles sitting, crawling, or standing as soon as the music starts playing.
I love her so much. I love my husband MORE than I ever have before because of how much he loves her and how he shows us both that he loves her.
But being a mom is a tough job.
It's not anywhere near as "easy" as it looks from the outside (I can't believe I thought it was easy. Even for a moment). It's funny because until I had a baby, I didn't see how stressed, how busy, how tired other mothers are every single day. Yes, they are happy and I'm sure most of them would not change a thing (we all know there are exceptions but I prefer not to think about that), but being a mommy is the most challenging job ever. Period. As a childless person, I couldn't really see these challenges. I knew new parents are tired and stretched pretty thing, but really, in all honesty, I could only allow myself to see the good - those amazingly awesome things that I mentioned above, and more. I think that's because these are the things what makes being a mommy worth it. It's worth it to know that you are being the best mom that you can be and you are doing it for someone you love so deeply that the love is difficult, impossible, to describe. You keep doing this no matter how hard it gets. I know it's not as hard for some, and harder for others, but I get it now. I really do. Part of me feels sorry for judging those mommy friends that I have (because I have judged them, even if I was unwilling to admit it at the time), wondering why they couldn't keep their houses cleaner, or why they canceled lunch dates on me, or why I never got to talk to them. I didn't get it then. I thought I was less important to them than a friend should be, but in all actuality, their kids were just (and will always be) their utmost priority. It's not easy to balance life, friendships, work, the housework, etc, when you have children. I do feel bad for judging their situations (I really am sorry even if I never shared my thoughts!) but I also give myself a break - I hadn't been there yet. I didn't know what it was like and I had no way of really understanding. All I could see was what they showed me from the outside and it wasn't the whole picture. Most moms, parents in general, don't show the whole picture because they don't believe people want to see the real truth of it all. Their friends, family, neighbors, really just want to see the positives, how much they love their kids, how awesome it is to be a parent, how happy they are all the time... right? I don't think it's an accurate perception that others only want to see the good aspects, but as parents we expect the best out of ourselves. We are our worst critics and we don't want others to see what it's really like on the inside of parenthood. We often feel that we are "bad" people if we don't enjoy every single moment of being parents. It's okay not to enjoy every moment. It really is, and I think more of us need to appreciate that.
Like I said, I love being a mom. I've learned that I love being a mom more than I ever realized I could. I love this little person more than my own life and I would do anything for her. I'm also willing to admit that it's not easy to be a mom. Ever. And that's perfectly 100% fine. I just want to get it out there so that other moms can know that they are not alone.
Speaking of being a mom and it being harder than it looks, my daughter isn't sleeping so well so I'd better go see what's going on. That's what mommies are for... :)
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